


Three Strikes, You're Out

by faded_moon



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arwen is a BAMF, Comedy, Fili and Kili Are Idiots Too, Frantic Thorin, M/M, Thorin Is an Idiot, Understanding Bilbo, Young Frodo Baggins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-05 01:21:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4160268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faded_moon/pseuds/faded_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin is horribly mistaken when he agrees to pick up Frodo from daycare and thinks it'll be an easy task.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Strikes, You're Out

**Author's Note:**

> Poor, poor Thorin doesn't know what he's in for ...
> 
> Another Bagginshield Modern AU I thought of randomly, written in present tense and in a slightly different style than I typically write in (which would be past tense). Please comment and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!

When Bilbo asks Thorin to pick up Frodo from daycare, Thorin thinks it'll be a breeze, but right as that thought emerges, everything goes downhill for poor Thorin from there.

The first mistake Thorin makes is that he pulls up to the Rivendell Daycare in his huge, bulking, black Ford Runner with its tinted windows. He comes out wearing his black-rimmed Ray-Bans, navy blue, long-sleeved button down and dark wash jeans; his black hair tied into a loose bun and his beard trimmed properly short. 

Strike One - He looks like a gigolo or a dick with that smirk on his face (which he doesn't even realize he's making). 

Thorin eyes the daycare and takes off his sunglasses, spotting Frodo playing with three other boys on the playground. He saunters to the metal fence that outlines the mulch playground and yells, "Frodo!" for the young boy to notice is arrival. When Frodo doesn't look up the first time, Thorin yells his name again, only to be approached by a young lady with dark brown hair.

"Excuse me," she goes in a stern voice, "May I ask why you're here?" She looks very sweet, but sounds like a strict, no-nonsense kind of woman. He tells her that he's here to pick up Frodo Baggins, but she looks at him with a slightly skeptical, slightly rigid look. She calls the Frodo over, and his dark brown curls bounce as he skips over.

"Yes, Ms. Arwen?" he asks sweetly, his cheeks flushed with pink. This Arwen woman asks Frodo if he knows who she, in practically accusatory manner, refers to as "this man" is while pointing at Thorin, and Frodo, good lad, nods his head quickly and says that he's Thorin. But when Arwen asks what Thorin's relationship to Frodo is, Frodo pauses and says he's not really sure (because he doesn't know what boyfriends and girlfriends are at that age) while grabbing onto Arwen's long skirt. 

_"Damn it, Frodo, I'm your uncle's boyfriend,"_ he curses mentally but instead tries to say that he's dating Bilbo, but _of course_ this woman Arwen won't let him say another word.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to call Mr. Baggins to ensure that I can place Frodo in your care," she says, and Thorin slightly panics. Bilbo has enough on his plate at work right now, and Thorin wants to show him that he's capable of being a guardian to Frodo.

"No, no, no, that won't be necessary. Frodo, buddy, you know me!" he hurriedly says. He looks Arwen straight in the eyes and goes, "Can't you just release him into my custody for like $20?" and right as he says it, he immediately regrets it.

Arwen's face is flushed, and he knows that it's from anger. She lightly and swiftly pulls Frodo behind her and violently whispers, "What the hell is your problem? If you think I'm going to let you have Frodo, it'll have to be over my dead body, you creep."

Strike Two - He's screwed, he thinks as he verbally tries to deny that he's a creep or pedophile or anyone bad. 

"I'm dating Bilbo Baggins, I swear!" he insists, but Arwen slowly walks backward and tells him that any creep would say that to get the kid and that he needs to leave immediately. She ushers Frodo back to playing with his friends and watches to make sure Thorin is retreating back to his car.

Out of panic, he calls his responsible nephew Fili, but unfortunately, his cheeky and rash brother Kili is with him too. Putting the two together is always bad, and Thorin thinks back to every disaster they've created in the past. When he tells them what happened, he can hear their acrimony over the phone, spouting "Who the hell would think our uncle is a pedo! We're coming right now!" and he knows that calling them was a mistake as well.

The siblings roll up in their silver convertible hollering, which of course is bad. Thorin knows he's screwed and debates on just calling Bilbo. Fili and Kili walk straight to where Thorin was previously standing, making the same idiotic calls to Frodo, and Thorin goes out to chase them back to their car to leave. 

But of course, it's not that easy. Arwen sees the three of them and if Thorin thought she was mad before, she was absolutely furious now, with her pale skin painted red to the tips of her ears. She fiercely walks, practically stomps, over to them and she looks like she's about to scream at them when she threatens under her breath so the kids can't hear, "You brought your friends?! I swear to god, I'm seriously going to call the police _right now._ " And they know she's not lying.

Strike Three - Arwen, without haste, goes inside and out comes a man who says his name is Aragorn and that his wife said there's three creeps outside and that he should kick them out. 

When Thorin tries to calmly say that there's been a misunderstanding, Fili and Kili, the dorks, start yelling and start a ruckus and soon all the kids are staring and are being ushered inside by other caretakers. Thorin wants to slowly walk away from the mess, but he hears Frodo yell, "Uncle Bilbo!" and sees the boy run toward door of the fence.

Thorin turns around and sees his boyfriend, looking ever so good in his white button down and red sweater, his honey colored hair bouncing as he approaches Frodo to pick him up. Arwen comes out of the daycare along with an older looking man, presumably the owner of the daycare who seems to be Arwen's father.

The older man asks, "Mr. Baggins, do you know these men?" and Thorin feels so, so guilty and so, so embarrassed.

"Yes, I'm dating this man, and these are his nephews," Bilbo responds calmly. "I am so sorry about what has happened today."

Arwen sighs, half tired half relieved, and says, "It's fine, but please call if you would like someone else to pick up Frodo in the future." She smiles sweetly at Frodo and Bilbo and tells them to have a nice day, but glares at Thorin, Fili, and Kili before she turns around and walks inside the daycare with her husband and father.

Fili and Kili slink away, apologizing briefly to Bilbo as they sprint to their car and drive away before Thorin can go off on them.

Thorin sighs and tries to apologize, but he can do at the moment is stutter out the beginnings of words. To his surprise, Bilbo laughs and says that when Arwen called him about three strange men, two with dark brown hair and one with blonde hair, trying to take Frodo, he immediately realized that it was Thorin and his nephews. "But why did you call Fili and Kili to come?" Bilbo asks with curiosity.

"Uh, it was first out of panic, but then the idiots made the impulsive decision to come ..." he explains blushing, and Bilbo laughs even harder. 

"Next time, just call me first, okay?" Bilbo asks. He can see the embarrassment on Thorin's face, and he kisses him briefly to console him, telling him he'll add Thorin to the list of Frodo's guardians, and Thorin is glad he has such an amazing boyfriend to deal with his lunacy.


End file.
